What's up with me?

I'm not sure if it's pride, stubbornness, independence, what? I've become a fairly good problem solver, and when unable to solve my problems, I'm really good at ignoring them, pretending they don't exist. But I SUCK at asking for help, any kind of help, from anyone. Not sure why.

Sometimes, I think I just don't want people in my life to know I can't do it all or do it all well. Part of it, I think has to do with depending on someone else, which makes no sense because I didn't grow up around undependable people. I suppose my mom and dad are both self-sufficient too, at least until a few years ago. Even as my mother battled cancer, underwent a mastectomy, chemo, radiation and all that fun, she was still more reliable than those around her. We counted on her to get us through it, and she did. She's my hero.

Somewhere along the line, I've become this person who is so reluctant to let people in, I wasn't this way before. I guess too many bad experiences have left a bad taste in my mouth. I just mentioned to a friend that I will probably never find someone to share my life with, because I refuse to make myself vulnerable and I'm OK with that. How fucked up is that? I think Freud would say VERY.

About this shot: Tall & Beautiful ~ Unknown tree, San Francisco