Life. Don't leave home without it.

I've been MIA, I know. I could say it's due to excessive living. It's not. I just, well, to be honest, sorta forgot about this.

Why is it so hard to grow up? Or, I should say, to be an adult. Well, to act as an adult and enjoy it. Not that I want to be a kid... all that being bossed around would be a pain. But everything is sorta figured out for you, no major life-altering decisions need be made by you. That's what parents are paid to do. I think.

There's just so much to figure out; understand; master! Just the thought of it tires me. Work. Bills. Cars. Insurance. Taxes. Deductions. Pre-tax contributions. BoyMen. Shoes. Clothes. Thin or fat. Cholesterol. Blood pressure. Merlot or Pinot Noir. Friends. Enemies. Interests. Ambivalence. Make it stop!!

Just when I'm sure I'm getting the hang of it: BAM! Something else/new creeps up. I'm not complaining about life, not mine anyway. I'm just venting, that's what this is for, right? So I have a designated place for every idiotic or genius thought that crosses my brain.

My life is good, there's room for improvement, but my glass is definitely half full. I am not one of those people who revel in doom and gloom. Can't do it. Don't do it. Which is not to say I don't have those days when a razor to the wrists seems a tantalizing idea, I just have more days when it's someone ELSE's wrists. Yeah, I know. I'm dark, I can't help the complexion my parents gave me.

I'll be the first to admit I don't always practice what I preach. I'm not living to my full potential. I know that, I've acknowledged it, I own it, now get off my back! I'll get to it one of these days.

About this shot: Bird feeders at the Japanese Gardens - San Francisco

Another word on... Dating--NOT!

OK. Here goes. I don't have the cojones to go up to some guy and make conversation. I've probably spotted my Mr. Right across the room, drooled over him, then let some other chica, the one with balls, steal him away right before my eyes. Instead of real life, I've opted for cyber-life frequenting dating sites on and off for about 5 years.

I've had some fun, some really good sex, some really funny sex and lots of B.O.B. sex in between. I'm 40 and fabulous, I'm comfortable with my life. There are things I'd like to do and places I long to go, but I think I still have time. Men. I love them. I love the way a man looks, feels, smells. I don't, however, necessarily love the way a man behaves.

I should say, not ALL men. I'm referring to that guy who wants to - A) get some; B) get some and not worry about your feelings; C) tell you what he thinks you want to hear so he can get some. I've heard the whole 'I don't like games' bit and, for the most part, I'm in total agreement. But you either learn to play the games because, unfortunately, you have no other choice, or you get hurt, over and over. And over. And over again. Not so much my thing.

So, since I don't have cojones to talk to strangers, and the cyber pickings are beyond slim and slimmy, I think I'll be a fabulously single woman till kingdom come. And that's OK with me.

About this shot: Panama's partial skyline ~ Panama, Panama